"sir what you did is literally 100 percent illegal"
"ok but get this: im a rich white person"
"oh sorry about that sir"
good work penguins
Are fedoras really that bad?
YES YES THEY ARE
I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo
I mean it’s a goddamn hat.
The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-
I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…
Nothing ventured, nothing gained…
WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Trying on clothes is really hard when you hate yourself. Liking someone is really hard when you hate yourself. Eating is really hard when you hate yourself. Life is really hard when you hate yourself.
my dad just notified me that sugar we’re going down was on tv by yelling “WEIRD DEER CORNFLAKES EMO BAND” up the stairs
a guy walked into the board room and said
"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"
and i just stared at him and coldly said
"i am the regional reports manager"
we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life
“If I fall [during the backflip] and break a bone… cheer even louder because I’m going to be really embarrassed and I’m gonna feel like crap about myself. So the cheering will drown out some of that a little bit.”